Ditched Best Friend

Dear Abbey,

I have known my best friend, Katie, since seventh grade. We have been there for each other through thick and thin and have had some great times! Six months ago, Katie met her first boyfriend. At first everything was so exciting and we always talked about their relationship! It was something that she had wanted for a long time. After a while, I saw less and less of Katie.  I have tried to get together with her but she ditches me for her boyfriend almost every time. The rare times that we do hang out, she won’t stop talking about him. I miss my best friend, but I am also really hurt how she has treated me. I want to talk to her about how I feel but I don’t know how to approach it. Any advice?

-Ditched BFF

First of all, I want to tell you that this isn’t the only ‘ditched BFF’ letter I have received. Many girls your age have faced this same problem and it really is a part of growing up. It’s hard being replaced and it is easy to become bitter if you just soak in the hurt feelings. It is great to hear that you want to talk it out with your friend! Open and clear communication is the key to all relationships. Many girls will ignore and give the silent treatment to a friend they have been hurt by. This doesn’t do any good for either of you!  First, you should find a time for you and your friend to be together, just the two of you. You don’t want to start by accusing her of being a horrible friend, but rather just express to her how you have been feeling. Make sure she understands how much you care about her friendship and that you would appreciate spending more time with her. Keep it at a calm level and if things start getting heated, take a break and come back to the discussion later. Also, be sure to listen to her side of the story also. There may be some things that you are unaware of and she will need to be heard out. Make sure you leave the conversation somewhat resolved, where both of you feel understood and reassured in the friendship! Hope this helps!

-Abbey

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